What a Week It’s Been and It’s only Weds!

No One Likes An Eeyore

I’m having not the greatest of weeks so far. I know there is hope to turn it around but man, yesterday really sucked in so many different ways and I am full of emotion about it. Today’s heavy lift didn’t help keep my emotions under wrap either.  I am sure I am not the only one that ends up not being able to keep my emotions in check when I am lifting heavy shit if I happen to be trying very hard to keep those emotions in.

Do you ever feel at times like you are living your life and you just cant keep up? And you can’t figure out how it got so harried?  You have too much to do, get yourself wrapped up in too much, overextend yourself and the chances of you keeping it all straight are slim? And you are moving at a thousand times a minute? You arent paying attention to details? Yeah?! That’s what I feel like this week.  And I am having a hard time not exploding into tears every time I let myself think about it.

Today during the back squats — my last rep I was attempting 200# and just didn’t get it and couldnt figure out how to abandon the bar so I almost hurt myself and sure enough –had to walk away and the tears started flowing. It has nothing to do with the lift or the very, very ugly abandonment of the bar. It was all the shit I have been dealing with this week — I want off the boat right now!!!

I got in a minor fender bender yesterday — and no big deal but its like the fourth time I have done something to my car in the past month or so including scraping the crap out of Scott’s car with my car a few weeks ago.  I am moving so fast, and not paying attention to details — Something has to got to give soon and I have to be the one to figure out what that is, because it  ain’t gonna happen on its own.

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.   I’m going to spend some time this evening alone, deep in thought trying to calm my insides so I can think rationally and make some clear decisions about what in my life has to go. I simply can’t do it all and there are things much more important in life than some of the smaller shit I am doing.

And I know — most people think I am always upbeat and happy. For the most part, I am. Life is good — my family has health and we are happy. The problems I am having are not life threatening problems to put it in perspective but they are effecting me and being able to live my best life. And like everything else, I will work through them and get back to my happy place.

I think it’s really important for me to share the highs and lows and be authentic and honest.  Seeing the world with rose colored glasses is great but you have to know when to take them off and see things for what they are and deal with them. I am very plan oriented though so I wont be sitting and wallowing in this for more than a day or so — I’m very much the kind of person that has to feel  whatever it is I am feeling but that will lead to a plan to get myself out of it. No one likes being an Eeyore.

Some days you’re the bug, somedays you’re the windshield – tony blauer

Workout today was strength – back squats!!
800m jog
Hamstring/Calf stretch
Good mornings
Back squat with PVC

Back squat

Back Squat
115,145,155,165,175,185,195 – failed at 200#

PR by 15# at 195#

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