Posts tagged box back squats

Demand Excellence

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When you surround yourself with garbage, you start to stink!  

Change is hard. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am focusing on changing some of the ways I react to change and situations in my life and let me tell you — it’s way harder than I thought. There have been times over this current week that it literally has felt like holding back an angry dog.  I wrote down two things on post its that have been helping me and stuck them on my monitor:

  1. “Think about how hard it is to change yourself and then you’ll realize what little chance you have of changing others.”
  2. How can I help?

And as I start to notice the familiar feelings bubbling up, I consciously stop and think about them and then add to it – Does it matter if I’m right? So far it’s been working but it hasn’t been easy.

Coach Conan said something to me the other day that has stayed with me — it’s not your job to fix everything.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I have the type of personality that wants to do a great job. I’m not ok with mediocre and have high expectations of projects I work on. The problem arises when it’s not my project to ‘own’ and others on the team don’t necessarily have the same ethos I do. It’s upsets me and then resentment starts to bubble up.

Is that really fair to them?  To put the same expectations that I have on myself on someone else. Someone else who sees life through a different filter than I do.
What I have found out is probably not and it goes back to Intentions once again. We all are right here, right now because of the journey we have taken and it colors how we see things and how we perform.  However, the real issue with that is when the other person isn’t open to seeing it any other way than theirs. I’m not like that in most situations. I welcome feedback and help — doesn’t mean I will agree but it definitely gets processed within me. Because in the end I want to be better, get better and the only way to do that is to learn from people I respect and those that I don’t. How do you know the stuff you don’t want in your life if you don’t get to experience it once in a while?
Sorry for all the deep thoughts today. With all this change in my outward behavior, it challenges my own filter. This is a public diary of sorts for me and I am sure I am like many others out there who see traits in themselves that they know arent working.  I am determined to change the shit I don’t like about myself but with caution.
It’s true that it’s hard to continue to be inspired when you are around people for large chunks of your waking hours that don’t demand excellence in themselves and don’t wake up every day inspired and ready to change the world.  I feel sorry for them but in the end, I don’t want to be around them either.

In my best Judge Judy voice: When you surround yourself with garbage, you start to stink!  

Fitness:

warmup
drills
drom

Skill
Box Back Squats

WOD
12×3 reps
back box squats 135#
reverse tabata l-sits

Cancer: Life Goes On

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The cancer is gone, but the cancer never goes away.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say yesterday was an emotional day for me. Yes, I knew it would be but I guess I underestimated how much it would hit me. I was feeling all jittery on the way to the hospital – my stomach in knots. As we waited for our stuff to get processed, I was ok. We were escorted to the back and I was ok as Scott got situated.

When the nurse came in to say it was time to go — I gave Scott a big kiss and looked him in the eye and said our stuff. He gave me one of his ‘don’t be so schmultzy’ looks and it hit me. This was more my moment to relive. He was so out of sorts when we first found out he was sick — that it probably doesn’t feel so familiar to him.

I thought about things during the hour I was waiting around for him. I did some mobility work with the wall in the waiting room. Yes, people were looking at me like WTF?! The chairs in those places are not made for comfort or napping that’s for sure. Why is that? It would seem that the family/friends waiting around need to be kept at peace too. I digress…

I heard the announcement for the Hoaglund family and went to room 6 to wait for his arrival. There was a nurse waiting for me and said – Nurse Wendy told me to come right out and tell you everything went well because you needed to know asap. I agreed–I did and said thanks. I felt the tears bubble up inside when I exhaled —  but kept them in as I waited for Scott.  They rolled him into the room. Scott was not quite with it yet –and Nurse Wendy looked at me and said everything went well –he looks good and explained to the other medical staff around us that Scott was a former colon cancer patient.  And it clicked with them that this is a bigger moment to us than others going for their routine colonoscopy.  The tears started —

This was the same scene as when we found out and it brought me back. I remember going in thinking oh –it’s an ulcer or something. Who would have thought it was cancer? When they wheeled him in 4 years ago, after his urgent colonoscopy, none of med staff would make eye contact with me and all was quiet. I knew something was up but again, never in my wildest dreams thought it was the big C.  Then, silence and they all left and shut the door and Dr. Crenshaw came in and came up to me with a solemn look in his eyes and explained what they found. I will NEVER EVER forget that moment – the moment cancer entered our lives.

But — this time was different. this time was great. this time we are different. They found two small polyps which will be sent out for biopsy but are not cause for alarm and as long as they remove them (which they did) it should be good as gold.  Scott seems to be a polyp maker – one of his many talents I guess.  He slowly came out of his drugged up, twilight state and we got the heck out of there!  Not before we told the nurse that Scott was driving us straight to the lawyers to have him sign some important docs, and then will operate some heavy machinery like a tractor when we get home.  Thank goodness she had a good sense of humor as I signed the paperwork that said I would do none of those things while he is still recovering from anesthesia.

We went out for a celebratory lunch — and it was time to pick up the kiddos, do homework, make dinner and get ready for the next day.  I stayed up a bit later than usual, still trying to unwind and relax. When I finally put my head down on the pillow — i started crying. Finally a quiet moment to release the emotions that this experience brought up.

Life goes on — and I feel great!

Workout for today was a dynamic motion strength day. Helps you get quicker and stronger!

warmup

  • DROM
  • Mobility
  • 600 m jog
  • squats

skill

  • box back squats 145#

wod

  • 12×2 box back squats
  • 5m Max DUs (I got 86)

Box Back Squats

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