Do you know the part each season of the Biggest Loser when the trainers push the players so hard intentionally so their emotions come out? Well I have had a very rough 2 weeks – day after day – feeling like I am getting beaten up. I have held it in with a smile on my face, trying to rationalize it as just a stressful time that will blow over. I have been trying to rationalize the feeling of being beaten up verbally, belittled and having my integrity called in question as nothing more than “having to deal with a lot of stress”. Well last night I had a hard time getting it out of my mind and rationalizing it away, so the tears came. This morning during my workout, I kept trying to tell myself, this is my time, block it out, it’s not important, focus but by the end of the workout, the tears came.

I have to make some changes. I can’t sit here and feel marginalized, hopeless. It’s not good for me or those around me. I have earned the right to be treated in the way I treat others and have my view and input acknowledged and valued. The same courtesy I extend to everyone else. I don’t think the situation is ever going to change, which is the reality that hit me like a ton of bricks beginning last night. It is what it is. And now I have to figure out my next steps…