I read this blog post by Roni called Sometimes It’s Just a Bad Picture — and it really could not have come at a better time. July and August I did races and with those races were race photographers who put the photos in a gallery for you to view and if you want, buy. Well seeing myself in the Crossfit Rare race in July almost did me in.  It was seriously a super horrible sight to me — the thoughts through my head were – How can I be that large? Look how horrible I look? How come everyone else in the pics look good, don’t I work out just as hard? I have put in the time and commitment – how come it’s not working???  Will I ever not have those love handles??!! AHHHHHHH!

You get the idea — sabotaging thoughts, poisonous thoughts that just cut deep. How come I can’t focus on the amazing things —like I did that incredibly hard race and didn’t come in last? or the 2 year ago Stephanie, would not have even been able to even show up to an event like that? Or — just Wow.

What is it about the way I am wired that I zero in on the negative visual aspect of it all — I know i am not alone either — Is it really true that I don’t see the same thing that everyone else does when they look at me? Seeing that image really got me down — but then I read this blog entry about how sometimes it really is just a bad picture, from a bad angle — you acknowledge it and move on — What great advice, although it’s not so easy to just rewire yourself. It takes time, and constant monitoring of how you talk to yourself and what you say — I am going to start changing my internal voice when it comes to this sort of stuff starting today.

So — here’s to moving on!