What a spring break it has been — Lots of beautiful weather, down time, time spent with the kids and hubby, cleaning and a road trip. I can’t forget the 2 days I spent in bed tackling whatever bug knocked me down. I am ready to get back into the routine of my life — there is something to be said about slow and steady without a ton of drama.
We decided last minute to take a road trip to NJ/NY to see my Mom. She was supposed to go to San Fran to spend Passover with my 4 brothers and sisters and family but cancelled last minute because she hasn’t been feeling well. I know it probably was a very tough decision for her to make, so we made a family decision to head there to lift her spirits and check in on her…
My Mom lives alone in NJ and it worries me. None of her kids live nearby so we don’t know what’s going on with her day to day. She’s not old in the true sense of the word but she is at the age when she should slow down to enjoy life — My mom is the type of person who if not busy, she isn’t enjoying life. It’s the way she has been all her life — over achiever, amazing determination and a bit of crazy. All the ingredients one needs for success really. She’s an amazing woman, but one that is stubborn as all hell.
We want her to move out of her house and de-stress a bit and live closer to at least one of her 5 kids. Her house is almost 100 years old, in NJ, requires alot of upkeep. All the things that she could do without at this time in her life. She keeps stalling all of us saying she is working on getting it all ready to sell — she refuses to acknowledge that she has said that to us for 20+ years! But, what can you do really — she’s a grown woman, pays her own bills, isn’t crazy in the legal sense — she is staying put until she wants to move. Period.
I’m not one to tell someone what to do — I know my Mom well enough by now and telling her what to do ain’t gonna work. I just don’t get the WHY. Why would she want to live so far from her family? Why would she not want a nicely maintained, easy place to live? Why wouldn’t she want to de-stress her life? I am hearing from many of my friends that we are all dealing with parents like this now. We are mid 30-40’s and our baby boomer parents are aging whether they like it or not. My kids want my Mom to live closer.
I am more worried about something happening and no one being around to help out — I am at least 4+ hours away and it’s not super easy for me to just drop everything and head out there to help. It weighs heavy on my mind right now — and the fact that there isn’t much that can be done to make a change in the situation. She will move when she wants to or HAS to –but not before.
A few of my brothers and sisters don’t seem to understand that about my Mom. They want to offer help but the way they are doing it only turns her away –she pretends to listen and does her own thing. My sis, Dee and I know my Mom real well — we are the youngest which afforded us certain experiences with my Mom that my older siblings did not. It has a lot to do with the way my Mom grew up. She will not be told she can’t do something — and her home and stuff represents something: probably independence. I don’t want to appear that I get my Mom because I don’t – but I do know what her buttons are and telling her she can’t do something or even what to do is definitely one of them.
I’m just sharing my thoughts – there isn’t much more I can do except keep my eye on her and do what I can to encourage her to pack it up and head on out towards us! We would welcome it.