When you surround yourself with garbage, you start to stink!
Change is hard. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am focusing on changing some of the ways I react to change and situations in my life and let me tell you — it’s way harder than I thought. There have been times over this current week that it literally has felt like holding back an angry dog. I wrote down two things on post its that have been helping me and stuck them on my monitor:
- “Think about how hard it is to change yourself and then you’ll realize what little chance you have of changing others.”
- How can I help?
And as I start to notice the familiar feelings bubbling up, I consciously stop and think about them and then add to it – Does it matter if I’m right? So far it’s been working but it hasn’t been easy.
Coach Conan said something to me the other day that has stayed with me — it’s not your job to fix everything. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I have the type of personality that wants to do a great job. I’m not ok with mediocre and have high expectations of projects I work on. The problem arises when it’s not my project to ‘own’ and others on the team don’t necessarily have the same ethos I do. It’s upsets me and then resentment starts to bubble up.
Is that really fair to them? To put the same expectations that I have on myself on someone else. Someone else who sees life through a different filter than I do.
What I have found out is probably not and it goes back to Intentions once again. We all are right here, right now because of the journey we have taken and it colors how we see things and how we perform. However, the real issue with that is when the other person isn’t open to seeing it any other way than theirs. I’m not like that in most situations. I welcome feedback and help — doesn’t mean I will agree but it definitely gets processed within me. Because in the end I want to be better, get better and the only way to do that is to learn from people I respect and those that I don’t. How do you know the stuff you don’t want in your life if you don’t get to experience it once in a while?
Sorry for all the deep thoughts today. With all this change in my outward behavior, it challenges my own filter. This is a public diary of sorts for me and I am sure I am like many others out there who see traits in themselves that they know arent working. I am determined to change the shit I don’t like about myself but with caution.
It’s true that it’s hard to continue to be inspired when you are around people for large chunks of your waking hours that don’t demand excellence in themselves and don’t wake up every day inspired and ready to change the world. I feel sorry for them but in the end, I don’t want to be around them either.
In my best Judge Judy voice: When you surround yourself with garbage, you start to stink!
Fitness:
warmup
drills
drom
Skill
Box Back Squats
WOD
12×3 reps
back box squats 135#
reverse tabata l-sits
