To say I have been challenged the past few weeks would be quite an understatement and it’s the reason I have been absent from Live Fit and Sore for a few weeks. I’ve been stuck in my head trying to make sense of things and hemming and hawing about what exactly I need/what/should do. Let me start from the beginning….

I left with the family on a week long road trip – Myrtle Beach, Orlando, Myrtle Beach, Home. After this road trip, I realized that 6-7 hours is about my limit for road trips. The overall trip was wonderful -aside from getting a bad sunburn (rookie mistake) my first day out on the beach. It was nice to just be able to hang out with the kiddos. When we are at home living the day to day, I miss some of the smaller details of who they are becoming.  And to make it more special, I spent a lot of  alone time with Nate as we walked back from Universal Studios more than once – talking, seeing snakes and other wildlife. It was really, really nice. He’s usually so closed off when we are at home.

We got back on a Saturday and starting getting ready for the workweek. I was dreading going back into my office on Monday. Not because of the work I missed, but because I have not been able to make this position my own. 7 months in – I was unhappy, uninspired and it was making me miserable. The position I accepted was not in any way the position I ended up doing. Not sure if I had mentioned this before, but on my first day in January, the two company owners took me out to lunch and explained how they are changing the company, laying off 2/3 of their employees and changing the leadership structure. Yikes right? My personality style would not allow me to just quit.  I figured it may be better, so let’s give it a try. I approached it with enthusiasm but it quickly became clear that the long held culture and the focus of the leadership was not lining up with my own ideas of creativity and inspiration and there were expectations of job responsibilities that I was not prepared to perform.  It was not a good fit – period.

Do you ever have the feeling that something is brewing or going to happen before it does? That’s how I felt when I arrived to my office on Monday. I was looking through emails and as I read each one, I could tell something was different. For example, my boss had met with my team while I was away and had organized a task list for them. Something he had never done previously – things were just off. Well sure enough – He arrived around 915A and about 10 minutes later, called me into his office for a chat. That chat resulted in me parting ways with the company.  What’s ironic is that Scotty had suggested I quit a few weeks earlier but I wanted to secure a new position before I left – as I have said before, the universe has plans for each of us. It was time to get my ass kicked out of my comfort zone. No one is meant to waste time being miserable.

What’s Next? 

This time around I was not as upset or scared. I will be fine. I have an amazing support network who have already given me contacts and leads. And it’s no secret that have the best husband who was relieved when I called him to share the news. He knew I wasn’t happy and had been urging me to leave sooner. I am considering doing marketing consulting for a while – to allow me to have flexibility for the kiddos and an opportunities to explore different roles and companies.

Which brings me to where I have been the past two weeks – Although this particular case has been one of those oh shit/congratulations kind of deals, losing a job isn’t easy mentally. I know the reality of the situation – it wasn’t a good fit: job or culture wise – but it’s still a hit to one’s ego and brings instability to my life. Instability makes me extremely uncomfortable. Every morning when I wake up, I have been reminding myself that I will be OK as the panic starts to bubble up.

And true to form, this latest experience was another learning opportunity for me. I need to work with a group of people who play off each other. I get energy from working with others – and working for a small company where it’s all heads down, stay at your desk – it just doesn’t work for me. I need to work with leaders who have vision and are passionate about the work they are doing. The team can take that vision and create plans and products around it. Without a vision – everyone just flounders. I want to work with leaders who do what it takes to get the work done.  I am not willing to put in the work to make someone else’s pockets full if they aren’t even willing to go the extra mile.  Nothing deflates my inspiration more than hearing the owner of a company say to their employees “I don’t care what we do, we just need to make money…”  There’s no passion or care about the work -the goal is to make quick money.  And above all – Nothing kills my spirit more than a leader who watches the clock I have been used to freedom to get my work done and that’s what matters. Just because you aren’t sitting at your desk for 8 solid hours, does not mean you aren’t doing your job.   It’s a very old school way of thinking and usually signals that they aren’t focusing on the right things.  This latest role has given me more insight into my deal breakers and what will cause me to say “Bye Felicia” and hit the road…

The older I get the more I realize how spoiled I was so early in my career — working for America Online in the mid 90’s. AOL had leaders and employees who changed the world. Steve Case and Ted Leonsis knew how to rally people, inspire them. They had charisma and charm to spare. With each experience since then – I have been hard pressed to find any leader who can compare.